Life Post Grad: One Year Later

Then | The best thing about this picture? The guy in the pink shirt in the back.

Today, May the 15th, officially marks one year since graduation. Three hundred and sixty five days. Twelve months. 

Where did the time go?

There was a part of me that was nervous for this day to come. No, actually I was dreading this day. I was scared this day would come and go and I would still be in the same situation: jobless and searching. This fear was accelerated a few weeks ago during my spring cleaning extravaganza when I came across my diploma in my closet and freaked out...a bit. I removed it from the shelf and gave it to my Dad with specific instructions: "Put this away before I burn it."

OF COURSE I would never actually burn my diploma-I worked too hard and went through way too much to get it. But seeing it brought about so many negative emotions. While I have been mostly positive in the last year, any emotion I had felt at some point during the last few months came rushing forward. Frustration from the many rejection letters telling me I'm a completely qualified candidate, but that there are no positions available at the moment. Regret for not doing XYZ during undergrad, even though XYZ was usually impossible. The feeling of failure because at 18 I thought I would graduate, have a job, and be on my way to owning my own business by the time I was 30. (That was one of many life plans. The other involved becoming an MTV VJ...) Then the "comparison anxiety" began. How come friend A has a job and not me? I know her GPA and qualifications were definitely not better than mine. If only had friend B's connections. I probably should have transferred to a bigger school like friend C. On and on and on and on.

Now | GPOY

I'm grateful that as I have gotten older, I've become wiser and know that while my feelings may be warranted, they are usually not true, and don't define me in any way. I'm also grateful that I have such an amazing support system, especially my parents, and friends A, B, and C. More than that, knowing that I am not alone in this situation is definitely a relief. Talking with friends and others that have been through it puts it all into perspective that "Hey,you're not a failure! You're just in the midst of a super crappy job market."

While the current hiring situation is out of my control, one thing I am in control of is my future. This last year has not just made me stronger, but has been one of the greatest learning experiences of my life so far. What I never understood in Accounting and Excel during undergrad (and called hieroglyphics,) is almost second nature to me now. I've become semi-conversational in Italian (parli appena lentamente per favore), I've discovered so many new places in my beautiful city, and I've picked up some fun new hobbies. More importantly I am dreaming bigger and taking things into my own hands. I've started expanding my jewelry locally and on Etsy and I'm 99.99% sure that that venture I briefly mentioned here, is becoming a reality and I am starting my own business.  Does this mean I am completely giving up on the job search? Absolutely not. But am I going to try and pursue a few of my own dreams in the mean time. Absafreakinglutely.

I am happy that with each new day, I can see my vision of where I want to be down the road, and how I want to get there. I don't know what's to come, but I'm excited. I just know that when I look back at this post in a years time I will think, "that was only the beginning."